Understanding Grief and Its Stages

This page reflects our understanding of mental health topics as of 2026. If you are reading this at a later date, some details may no longer be current, so please verify anything important against up to date sources. If you notice anything that needs updating, we would welcome you letting us know.

Grief is the natural response to loss, most often the death of someone we love, but also to other losses such as divorce, illness, or major life changes. Many people have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These were described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, originally based on her work with people who were dying. The stages became widely known and helped open conversations about grief. However, research shows that grief rarely follows a neat, linear path. Understanding what grief really looks like can help people feel less alone and less worried that they are grieving the wrong way.

The Five Stages, and What They Get Right

• Denial. Shock, numbness, or disbelief, especially early on.
• Anger. Frustration or rage at the situation, others, oneself, or the person who died.
• Bargaining. What-if and if-only thoughts, or wishing for a way to undo the loss.
• Depression. Deep sadness, emptiness, and withdrawal.
• Acceptance. Coming to terms with the reality of the loss.

These experiences are common and real. The stages give names to feelings many people have. The problem is when they are treated as a fixed sequence that everyone must pass through in order.

What Grief Is Really Like

Research suggests that grief is more like waves than steps. People often move back and forth between feelings, experience several at once, or skip some entirely. Grief can hit out of nowhere, triggered by a song, a smell, or a date. Many people find that yearning and sadness are more central than the classic stages. Resilience is also common: many bereaved people experience moments of joy and laughter alongside pain.

Newer models describe grief differently. The dual process model suggests that healthy grieving involves moving between facing the loss, such as crying or remembering, and restoring life, such as returning to work or trying new things. Continuing bonds theory recognizes that many people maintain an ongoing inner connection with the person who died, rather than simply letting go. Grief also varies with the type of loss, such as anticipatory grief before a death or ambiguous loss without closure.

Culture, faith, and family traditions shape how people grieve. Some communities grieve openly and collectively, while others value private mourning. There is no single right way, and understanding your own background can help you find rituals and support that feel meaningful.

What Grief Is Not

• Not a checklist. You do not need to experience every stage or in any order.
• Not something with a deadline. Grief often softens over time but can resurface, sometimes years later.
• Not a sign of weakness. Grief reflects love and connection.
• Not the same as depression, though grief can sometimes lead to depression that needs treatment.

How Grief Is Supported

Most people adapt to loss with time and support from family, friends, and community. Helpful steps include allowing yourself to feel, talking about the person, keeping some routines, taking care of your body, and accepting help. Rituals, memorials, and anniversaries can offer ways to honour the relationship. Grief counselling can help when grief feels overwhelming, isolating, or complicated by trauma, guilt, or difficult relationships. If intense grief continues for a long time and significantly affects daily life, a clinician may assess for prolonged grief disorder, which responds to specialized treatment.

Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre

Wherever you are in your grief, you do not have to navigate it alone. Grief counselling can offer space to remember, feel, and gradually adjust at your own pace.