Understanding Self-Harm

This page reflects our understanding of mental health topics as of 2026. If you are reading this at a later date, some details may no longer be current, so please verify anything important against up to date sources. If you notice anything that needs updating, we would welcome you letting us know.

Self-harm, sometimes called non-suicidal self-injury, means deliberately hurting yourself. For most people, it is a way of coping with intense emotional pain, numbness, or distress, rather than an attempt to end their life. Self-harm is more common than many people realize, especially among teens and young adults, though it occurs at every age. People who self-harm often feel shame and hide it. Understanding self-harm with compassion, rather than judgment, is an important step toward finding safer ways to cope. Support helps, and recovery is possible.

What Self-Harm Can Look Like

• Hurting yourself on purpose when emotions feel too big to handle.
• Wearing long sleeves or covering skin even in warm weather.
• Unexplained injuries, or explanations that do not quite fit.
• Withdrawing, spending long periods alone, or keeping sharp objects hidden.
• Feeling relief, calm, or a sense of control after self-harm, followed by shame or guilt.
• Strong urges that build during stress, loneliness, or conflict.

For a parent or friend, noticing signs can be frightening. The page on signs your child may need mental health support offers guidance for families.

Why It Happens

People self-harm for many reasons, and these often change over time. Common reasons include getting relief from overwhelming emotions, feeling something when numb, expressing pain that is hard to put into words, punishing oneself because of shame or self-hatred, or regaining a sense of control. Self-harm can bring short-term relief because it shifts attention and changes the body's stress response. That relief is real but brief, and it tends to reinforce the urge, so the pattern can become hard to stop.

Risk factors include difficult or traumatic experiences, bullying, emotional neglect, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and difficulty managing intense emotions. Some people who self-harm also experience thoughts of suicide or wishing they could disappear. Although self-harm is usually not a suicide attempt, it is associated with a higher risk of suicide over time, which is why it deserves careful attention and support.

What It Is Not

• Not attention-seeking. Most people hide self-harm and feel deep shame about it.
• Not the same as a suicide attempt, though the two can overlap and both need support.
• Not a choice made lightly. It often reflects pain that feels unmanageable.
• Not something to stop through punishment or ultimatums. Pressure often increases shame and secrecy.
• Not a life sentence. Many people learn other ways to cope and stop self-harming.

How It Is Assessed and Supported

A doctor can treat injuries and check physical health. A mental health professional will ask, with care, about the reasons behind self-harm, how often it happens, other emotional difficulties, and any thoughts of suicide, and will work with the person on a safety plan. Dialectical behaviour therapy is well supported for self-harm and teaches skills for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and relationships. Cognitive behavioural therapy and mentalization-based approaches can also help. Therapy addresses the underlying pain, not just the behaviour. For young people, involving family in a supportive way often helps. If someone tells you they self-harm, staying calm, listening without judgment, and helping them connect with support can make a real difference.

Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre

If you are hurting yourself to cope, or worried about someone who is, you are not alone. Therapy offers a compassionate space to understand the pain behind it and build safer ways through.