Understanding the Double Empathy Problem

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The double empathy problem is a theory, developed by autistic researcher Damian Milton, that reframes communication difficulties between autistic and non-autistic people. For many years, autism was described as involving a deficit in social understanding or empathy. The double empathy problem suggests instead that misunderstanding runs in both directions. Autistic and non-autistic people often have different communication styles, expectations, and ways of experiencing the world, so each may struggle to understand the other. Research has increasingly supported this idea, and it has changed how many clinicians, families, and workplaces think about autism.

What the Double Empathy Problem Looks Like

• An autistic person speaks directly and is seen as rude, while they intended only to be clear.
• A non-autistic person hints or implies something, and the autistic person takes it literally.
• Differences in eye contact or facial expression are misread as disinterest.
• Non-autistic people read expressions in ways autistic people find confusing, and autistic expressions are misread in return.
• Autistic people often communicate easily with other autistic people, finding shared understanding.
• Small talk feels natural to some and exhausting or pointless to others.

Studies have found that autistic people often build rapport and share information effectively with other autistic people, while mixed autistic and non-autistic pairs experience more breakdowns. Non-autistic people have also been found to misread autistic people's emotions and form quick negative impressions of them, even when the autistic people are not doing anything wrong.

Why It Happens

Empathy and social understanding depend partly on shared experience. People tend to understand others who think and communicate like them. Autistic people process sensory information, language, and social cues differently, as described on the page about autism spectrum disorder. When two people have very different ways of experiencing the world, both can find it harder to predict and interpret the other.

Historically, because non-autistic people are the majority, the responsibility for bridging this gap has fallen mainly on autistic people. Many learn to mask, adapting their behaviour to fit in, which can be exhausting and contribute to burnout. The double empathy framework suggests that both sides can work to understand each other.

The double empathy problem also appears in families and relationships. A non-autistic parent may feel rejected when an autistic child avoids hugs or eye contact, while the child may feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. Partners may interpret each other's communication styles as uncaring. Learning about the other person's way of experiencing the world can turn frustration into curiosity and reduce conflict.

What It Is Not

• Not a claim that autistic people have no challenges. Autism involves real differences that can make some settings hard.
• Not blaming non-autistic people. It describes a mutual gap in understanding.
• Not a lack of empathy in autistic people. Many autistic people feel deeply and care strongly about others.
• Not a formal diagnosis. It is a way of understanding social interaction.

How It Is Applied and Supported

The double empathy framework shapes neurodiversity-affirming support. Rather than only teaching autistic people to act neurotypical, support focuses on mutual understanding. For autistic people, therapy can help build self-understanding, reduce masking where safe, and connect with autistic community. For families, partners, teachers, and employers, learning about autistic communication, such as valuing directness, explaining expectations clearly, and not relying on hints, can reduce misunderstanding. Workplaces can offer clear instructions and flexible communication options. Many autistic people report that simply knowing about the double empathy problem reduces self-blame.

Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre

Whether you are autistic or love someone who is, therapy can help you understand communication differences and build connections with less strain on both sides.