Why Am I Struggling So Much With Infertility

This page reflects our understanding of mental health topics as of 2026. If you are reading this at a later date, some details may no longer be current, so please verify anything important against up to date sources. If you notice anything that needs updating, we would welcome you letting us know.

Every month brings a cycle of hope and disappointment. Friends announce pregnancies, and you smile while something inside you sinks. Appointments, tests, injections, and waiting periods take over your calendar and your thoughts. Well-meaning comments like "just relax" or "it will happen when it's meant to" sting. You may feel that no one really understands how consuming this is.

Infertility is one of the most emotionally demanding experiences a person or couple can go through. Research has found that its psychological impact can be comparable to that of other serious health challenges. If you are struggling, it is not because you are weak or overreacting.

If you are having thoughts of suicide or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please call or text 9-8-8, the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available anywhere in Canada at any time, or call 911.

It Could Be a Lot of Things

Grief. Infertility involves repeated losses: of a pregnancy that did not happen, of an expected timeline, and sometimes of a pregnancy that ended. These losses are often unrecognized by others, which can make grief harder to process. Some people feel numb rather than sad.

Anxiety. The uncertainty of each cycle, test result, and treatment step can keep anxiety running high for months or years.

Depression. Ongoing disappointment can lead to low mood, loss of interest, and hopelessness about the future.

Treatment effects. Hormonal medications used in fertility treatment can affect mood, sleep, and emotional sensitivity for some people.

Relationship strain. Partners may cope differently, want different things, or feel pressure around intimacy and decisions, which can lead to feeling distant from each other.

Comparison and isolation. Pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and family gatherings can become painful, and you may find yourself comparing yourself to everyone around you or withdrawing from people you care about.

When It Looks More Like Infertility-Related Distress

Infertility-related distress is a recognized pattern of emotional strain that can affect anyone trying to build a family, including single people, same-sex couples, people using donors or surrogates, and those facing secondary infertility after already having a child. It tends to include:

Thoughts about fertility taking up much of the day.
An emotional roller coaster that follows each cycle or treatment step.
Feelings of guilt, shame, or failure, sometimes directed at your own body.
Avoiding situations involving pregnancy, babies, or children.
Strain on relationships, work, and finances.
A sense that life is on hold.

These reactions are understandable responses to a hard situation. They become particularly worth addressing when they persist, affect your ability to function, or come with symptoms of depression or anxiety that do not ease between cycles.

What Can Help

Name the losses. Acknowledging each disappointment as a real loss, rather than something to move past quickly, can make grief easier to carry.
Set boundaries around triggers. It is okay to skip a baby shower, mute certain social media, or change the subject when you need to.
Protect other parts of your life. Keeping some activities, relationships, and plans that have nothing to do with fertility helps life feel less on hold.
Talk as partners. Setting aside regular time to talk about how each of you is coping, and also time when fertility is off limits, can protect your relationship.
Find people who understand. Support groups or online communities for infertility can reduce isolation.

Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre

If infertility is taking a toll on your mood, relationship, or sense of self, therapy can offer a place to process grief, manage anxiety through treatment, and make decisions that fit your values. Couples therapy can help partners support each other through a very demanding process.

Pacific Maple Psych Centre offers individual and couples therapy for infertility, fertility treatment stress, and pregnancy loss, in Vancouver and virtually across British Columbia.

Book a Session

Common Questions About the Emotional Side of Infertility

Is it normal to feel depressed during infertility?

Yes. Depression and anxiety are common during infertility and fertility treatment. The repeated cycles of hope and disappointment, uncertainty, and loss can take a significant emotional toll.

Why do pregnancy announcements hurt so much?

Pregnancy announcements can be painful reminders of what you are longing for and have not yet been able to have. Feeling sad, envious, or wanting to avoid them is a very common and understandable response.

Can fertility medications affect my mood?

Some hormonal medications used in fertility treatment can cause mood changes, irritability, or emotional sensitivity. If you notice significant changes, it is worth discussing with your fertility clinic.

How can infertility affect a relationship?

Infertility can strain relationships through different coping styles, pressure around intimacy and decisions, financial stress, and grief. Many couples benefit from deliberately protecting time together that is not about fertility.

Is infertility grief real grief?

Yes. Infertility involves real losses, including hoped-for pregnancies, expected timelines, and sometimes pregnancy loss. This grief is often unrecognized by others, which can make it feel isolating.

Is it okay to avoid baby showers and family events while going through infertility?

Yes. Setting boundaries to protect your wellbeing is reasonable. You can decline events, attend briefly, or let close people know you are finding certain situations difficult right now.

What is secondary infertility?

Secondary infertility is difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy after previously having a child. It can be especially isolating, as others may not recognize the struggle.

How can I cope with the two-week wait during fertility treatment?

Planning distracting activities, limiting symptom-checking and online searching, leaning on supportive people, and using calming techniques can make the waiting period more manageable.

Can therapy help people going through fertility treatment?

Yes. Therapy can help with anxiety, grief, depression, decision-making, and relationship strain during infertility. Some people find it helps to start therapy early in the process, not only when things feel unbearable.

Who can I talk to about the stress of trying to conceive?

Fertility clinics can often connect you with counselling and support groups, and national organizations offer information and peer support. A psychologist can also provide individual or couples support.