Why Can't I Make Decisions Without Second-Guessing Myself
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Second-guessing every decision usually happens because uncertainty feels unbearable, so the mind keeps searching for a guarantee that you have chosen correctly. Since that guarantee rarely exists, you keep revisiting the choice. This can come from perfectionism, low confidence, fear of regret, decision fatigue, or an anxious mind that treats every choice as high stakes. In some cases the doubt is part of OCD. Understanding the pattern is the first step toward making decisions and letting them stand.
People describe spending hours comparing options for small purchases, changing their mind repeatedly, asking several people for their opinion, and then still worrying afterward that they chose wrong.
It Could Be a Lot of Things
Perfectionism. When there is a belief that one choice is perfect and the rest are failures, every decision carries enormous pressure. People who feel they have to be perfect often struggle here.
Low self-trust. If you were often criticized or corrected growing up, you may have learned to doubt your own judgment and rely on others to decide.
Fear of disappointing others. People-pleasing can make decisions feel impossible when you are trying to keep everyone happy.
Decision fatigue. After a day full of choices, the brain has less capacity for more, and even small decisions can feel overwhelming.
Depression. Difficulty making decisions is a common symptom of depression, alongside low mood and fatigue.
ADHD. Some adults with ADHD find it hard to weigh options and prioritize, leading to indecision or impulsive choices followed by regret.
When It Looks More Like Anxiety
Anxiety tends to overestimate the chance of things going wrong and underestimate your ability to cope if they do. That combination makes decisions feel dangerous. Signs that anxiety is driving the second-guessing include:
- Imagining worst-case outcomes for each option.
- Overthinking and going over the same pros and cons repeatedly.
- Seeking reassurance from others about whether you chose correctly.
- Delaying decisions to avoid the discomfort of committing.
- Feeling a brief relief after deciding, followed by fresh doubt.
When doubt feels sticky and repetitive, especially about whether something is "right," it may be part of OCD. In OCD, the need for certainty can lead to mental reviewing, checking, and repeated reassurance seeking that temporarily relieves anxiety but keeps the cycle going. Whatever the source, the more time spent seeking certainty, the stronger the doubt tends to become. Learning to tolerate uncertainty is usually what helps most.
What Can Help
- Match effort to stakes. Give small decisions small amounts of time. Set a limit, such as two minutes for choosing a meal.
- Aim for good enough. Choose an option that meets your needs rather than searching for the perfect one.
- Decide and move on. Once a decision is made, notice the urge to revisit it and redirect your attention elsewhere.
- Limit reassurance. Ask for input once if needed, then trust yourself rather than polling many people.
- Remember you can adjust. Most decisions can be changed later if needed. Few are permanent.
- Make decisions earlier in the day. Decision fatigue builds as the day goes on.
Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre
If second-guessing is taking up hours of your time, delaying important choices, or causing ongoing anxiety, therapy can help. Cognitive behavioural approaches help people build tolerance for uncertainty and trust in their own judgment.
Pacific Maple Psych Centre offers individual therapy for anxiety, perfectionism and OCD, in Vancouver and virtually across British Columbia.
Book a SessionCommon Questions About Second-Guessing Decisions
Why do I always doubt my decisions after making them?
Doubt often comes from wanting certainty that a choice was right. Anxiety, perfectionism, and low self-trust all make that certainty feel necessary, so the mind keeps reviewing the decision.
Is indecisiveness a symptom of anxiety?
It can be. Anxiety makes the possible downsides of each option feel larger and your ability to cope feel smaller, which makes committing to a choice harder.
Can second-guessing be a sign of OCD?
Sometimes. OCD can involve intense doubt, repeated mental reviewing, and reassurance seeking about whether something was done or chosen correctly. The doubt feels sticky and hard to shake.
How does decision fatigue make second-guessing worse?
Decision fatigue describes the way decision-making becomes harder after many choices in a row. People may become more indecisive, avoid decisions, or choose impulsively when mentally tired.
Why can choosing something small, like what to buy, take me so long?
When anxiety or perfectionism is present, even small decisions can feel high stakes. Decision fatigue, depression, or ADHD can also make simple choices feel harder than they should.
How can I stop asking everyone for their opinion before deciding?
Try asking one person, or no one, for low-stakes choices. Reducing reassurance seeking gradually builds confidence that you can decide and cope with the outcome yourself.
Can depression make it hard to make decisions?
Yes. Indecisiveness and difficulty concentrating are recognized symptoms of depression. As mood improves, decision-making usually becomes easier.
What does it mean to be a maximizer versus a satisficer?
Maximizers search for the best possible option, while satisficers choose one that is good enough. Research suggests maximizing often leads to more regret, so aiming for good enough can reduce second-guessing.
How do I learn to trust my own judgment?
Make small decisions without checking with others, notice that most turn out fine, and reflect on times your judgment served you well. Confidence grows through practice rather than certainty.
What would a psychologist work on if I cannot stop doubting my choices?
Therapy helps identify the fears behind the doubt, reduce reassurance seeking and mental reviewing, and practise tolerating uncertainty, so decisions feel lighter over time.