Why Do I Struggle to Accept Compliments

This page reflects our understanding of mental health topics as of 2026. If you are reading this at a later date, some details may no longer be current, so please verify anything important against up to date sources. If you notice anything that needs updating, we would welcome you letting us know.

Someone says you did a great job, and before you can stop yourself you are explaining that it was nothing, that you got lucky, or that someone else deserves the credit. Someone compliments your outfit and you point out it was on sale. Even when the praise is sincere, it can feel awkward, embarrassing, or somehow untrue, and you may find yourself changing the subject as quickly as possible.

Struggling to accept compliments is very common. For some people it is simply modesty. For others it reflects something deeper about how they see themselves, and learning to receive kindness can be a meaningful part of feeling better.

It Could Be a Lot of Things

Modesty and upbringing. Many families and cultures teach that accepting praise openly is boastful or impolite. Deflecting can be a learned courtesy rather than a sign of low self-worth.

Discomfort with attention. Some people dislike being the focus of attention, whether positive or negative. A compliment puts the spotlight on you, and that alone can feel uncomfortable.

Social anxiety. When you worry about how you come across, even a positive comment can feel like pressure to respond perfectly, and the moment can feel exposing.

Suspicion of motives. If praise in the past came with strings attached, such as flattery used to manipulate, it makes sense to feel wary of compliments now.

Fear of raised expectations. Accepting praise can feel like agreeing to perform that well every time, which adds pressure rather than pleasure.

When It Looks More Like Low Self-Esteem

When compliments consistently feel untrue, and you find yourself arguing against them in your head, low self-esteem is often involved. People tend to be most comfortable with feedback that matches how they already see themselves. If your self-image is negative, positive feedback creates a kind of mismatch, and the easiest way to resolve it is to dismiss the compliment rather than update the self-image.

Signs that self-esteem is part of the picture include:

• You readily believe criticism but doubt praise.
• You explain away successes as luck, timing, or other people's help, a pattern common in impostor feelings at work.
• You worry that people are just being nice, or that they will change their minds once they know you better.
• Accepting care or kindness in general feels hard, something explored in Why Do I Feel Like I Have to Earn Affection.
• Underneath it all, there is a persistent sense of never being good enough.

Deflecting compliments can also affect relationships. Friends and partners may feel their appreciation is being rejected, or stop offering it, which quietly confirms the belief that you are not valued.

What Can Help

• Just say thank you. Practise responding with a simple "thank you" and nothing else, even if it feels uncomfortable. The discomfort usually fades with repetition.
• Pause before deflecting. Notice the urge to minimize, and let the compliment land for a moment before responding.
• Consider the giver. Remind yourself that dismissing a compliment also dismisses the other person's judgment and generosity.
• Save kind words. Keeping a note of compliments and positive feedback gives you something to return to on harder days.
• Offer yourself the same view. Ask whether you would believe the compliment if it were said about a friend.

Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre

If you find it hard to take in praise, care, or kindness, and it is tied to a harsh view of yourself, therapy can help you understand where that view came from and build a more balanced relationship with your own strengths.