Abuse Escape &
Safety Planning

Trying to leave an abusive relationship can be overwhelming, especially when safety, finances, housing, children, pets, or legal concerns are involved. This page offers escape planning and safety plan guidance for people preparing to leave abuse, whether you are planning ahead or worried you may need to leave suddenly.

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship Safely

Many people leave and return several times before leaving for good. A figure of seven attempts is often quoted, though every situation is different. There are many possible reasons. Challenges can include finding a place to live, facing legal issues, financial obstacles, and emotional difficulties like having mixed feelings about the abuser or returning out of fear of threats. Those mixed feelings are common, and the psychological impact of abuse page explains why. This page provides some information to help you prepare for your escape.

Stay safe by trying to move arguments to a place where you have access to a safe exit, and away from rooms with likely weapons, such as the kitchen, garage, or bathroom. Rehearse your exit plan regularly: which doors, windows, or stairs will you take? Review and optimize your safety plan every month.

A few other steps can make a safety plan stronger:

• Memorize at least two phone numbers of people you can call, in case your phone is taken or broken
• Agree on a code word with trusted people that means “call 911” or “come and get me”
• Keep your emergency kit with a trusted person, or somewhere the abuser will not look
• Know where you could go at any hour, including late at night
• Once you have left, remove the abuser as your emergency contact at work, school, your doctor’s office, and on your phone

The time around leaving can be the most dangerous period in an abusive relationship, because abuse often escalates when the abuser feels they are losing control. Planning with support from a victim service or transition house worker can make leaving safer. VictimLinkBC at 1-800-563-0808 can connect you with someone any time of day.

Technology Safety When Planning to Leave

Abusers sometimes monitor phones, location sharing, email, social media, and shared accounts. If possible, research and plan from a device your partner cannot access, check which apps share your location, and change important passwords from a safe device. Be aware that sudden changes can alert an abuser, so think through timing. Tech Safe BC offers guides on technology safety for survivors, and our signs of stalking and technology abuse page explains how to check your devices.

Emergency Escape Kit Checklist

Abuse typically escalates, as described in the cycle of abuse on our signs of domestic abuse page, and you don’t always have the option to plan ahead for leaving the relationship. In case you need to leave suddenly, put together an emergency escape kit containing all or some of the following items:

• Cash and prepaid, untraceable credit cards
• Charged, prepaid, untraceable spare cellphone
• Copied keys for the home, car, and other needs
• Belongings for your children or pets if applicable
• Identity documents; birth certificates, driver’s license, passport, social insurance
• Health insurance cards, medical records, immunization records
• Current medications and medical devices such as glasses
• Spare clothing, small valuables that can be sold if needed
• Journals, photos, evidence of abuse like police records or restraining orders
• Documentation proving pet/car ownership, home lease/deed agreement
• Financial records, bank account numbers, credit cards
• Marriage, divorce, and custody papers

Where to Go When Leaving Abuse

A. If you can plan your escape in advance, and if you have the funds to do so, rent a new home and begin furnishing it in anticipation of eventually moving out of your abusive home. Alternatively, plan out which motel you can easily escape to if you need to leave suddenly.

B. Funding and financial abuse is often a barrier. Consider disclosing your situation to someone who you trust will not let the conversation make it back to your abuser. That person may be able to provide you a short-term place to stay, or may be able to connect you to someone else in the community who can offer you some options.

C. If you don't have access to that kind of community support, seek out public services like transition houses and shelters. ShelterSafe BC lists shelters across the province. More information is available on the abuse resources page.

Rebuilding Financial Independence

Financial abuse can leave people with no savings, damaged credit, or debts they did not choose. These steps can help you regain control, ideally after getting legal advice about shared accounts and property:

• Open a bank account in your own name, ideally at a different bank, with statements sent to a new email address
• Change direct deposit for your pay, benefits, and tax refunds to your own account
• Get your free credit reports from Equifax Canada and TransUnion Canada to check for accounts or debts opened in your name, and ask about adding a fraud alert
• Close or separate joint credit cards and lines of credit, and change PINs and online banking passwords
• Tell the Canada Revenue Agency about your change in marital status, since it can affect benefits such as the Canada Child Benefit
• If court-ordered support is not being paid, BC’s Family Maintenance Enforcement Program can help collect it

The Steps to Justice guide to protecting yourself from financial abuse has more practical steps.

Time Off Work to Deal With Abuse

In BC, employees who experience domestic or sexual violence, or whose child or dependant does, can take up to 5 days of paid leave, 5 days of unpaid leave, and up to 15 weeks of additional unpaid leave each calendar year. There is no minimum length of employment. The leave can be used for medical care, counselling, victim services, moving, or legal and court matters, and it can be taken in parts. Your employer may ask for reasonable proof but cannot fire you or change your job because you took it. Federally regulated employees, such as those at banks, airlines, and telecommunications companies, have up to 10 days of leave under the Canada Labour Code, with 5 paid after three months of employment.

Divorce Myths and Facts in Canada

Many people are afraid of leaving an abusive marriage because they believe several myths about the difficulty of divorcing.

MYTH: Divorces are always unaffordable.
FACT: Costs vary widely. A Government of Canada Justice page cites a 2015 survey that found average legal fees of about $1,845 for an uncontested divorce in Canada and $13,638 for a contested divorce. Court processes, conflict level, and whether children or property issues are involved can all affect the total cost.

MYTH: Divorce lawyers are too unaffordable to even initiate divorce.
FACT: Free or lower-cost legal help may be available. If you are in British Columbia, Legal Aid BC offers family law legal help and may provide representation in serious family issues where safety is at risk. Some lawyers may also offer limited-scope services or alternative fee structures depending on the case.

MYTH: Your spouse can lie about you to take all your money and “win” the divorce.
FACT: Canada has no-fault divorce. In general, the reason the marriage ended does not determine who gets a fair share of family assets. Property division can still be complex, but false accusations do not simply let one spouse “win” the divorce.

MYTH: Leaving your home due to abuse will mean losing the house in the divorce.
FACT: You do not need to remain in the home to preserve possible property rights. If your name is on title, if you contributed financially, or if there is shared equity, those issues can still be addressed during separation or divorce. Get legal advice for your specific situation where possible.

If a partner has been controlling your birth control or pregnancy decisions, that is also a form of abuse. The signs of reproductive abuse page explains what this can look like.

Common Questions About Escape Planning

What should I pack if I have to leave abuse quickly?

Focus first on essentials you may not be able to replace easily: identification, medications, keys, money, phone access, important legal and financial documents, and anything necessary for children or pets.

What if I have no money and nowhere to go?

Financial abuse is common and can make leaving much harder. If trusted friends or family are not a safe option, transition houses, shelters, and public support services may help with temporary housing, safety planning, and practical next steps. VictimLinkBC at 1-800-563-0808 can connect you with options, and our abuse resources page lists more.

What if I am not ready to leave yet?

You do not have to wait until you are fully ready to begin planning. Quietly thinking through exits, documents, finances, transportation, and emergency contacts can still be part of a safety plan.

Why can leaving an abusive relationship be dangerous?

The time around separation is often when the risk of serious violence is highest, because the abuser may escalate when they feel they are losing control. This is why planning ahead, telling only trusted people, and getting support from a victim service or transition house worker can make leaving safer.

How can I keep my phone and accounts safe while planning to leave?

Abusers sometimes monitor phones, location sharing, email, and shared accounts. Consider using a device your partner cannot access, checking location sharing settings, and changing passwords from a safe device. Be aware that sudden changes may alert an abuser. Tech Safe BC has guides on technology safety for survivors.

Can I take my children with me when I leave?

Parenting arrangements depend on your circumstances, so get legal advice as early as you safely can. If your children are in danger, their safety comes first. Legal Aid BC offers free family law help, and some survivors of family violence may qualify for legal representation.

Where can I stay if I leave an abusive partner in BC?

Transition houses and safe homes offer free, confidential short-term housing for women and their children leaving violence, and some programs serve people of all genders. ShelterSafe BC lists shelters across the province, and VictimLinkBC can help you find space any time of day.

Can I take time off work to deal with domestic violence in BC?

Yes. Under BC’s Employment Standards Act, employees affected by domestic or sexual violence can take up to 5 paid days, 5 unpaid days, and up to 15 more weeks of unpaid leave each calendar year, with no minimum length of employment.

Can I get a protection order in BC?

Yes. Under BC’s Family Law Act, you can apply to court for a protection order against a family member, including a current or former partner, if you are at risk of family violence. Police can also seek a peace bond or criminal conditions. Legal Aid BC and victim service workers can help you understand which option fits your situation.

Last reviewed: October 2026