Abuse Escape &
Safety Planning
Trying to leave an abusive relationship can be overwhelming, especially when safety, finances, housing, children, pets, or legal concerns are involved. This page offers escape planning and safety plan guidance for people preparing to leave abuse, whether you are planning ahead or worried you may need to leave suddenly.
How to Leave an Abusive Relationship Safely
It takes an average of 7 attempts to leave an abusive relationship. There are many possible reasons. Challenges can include finding a place to live, facing legal issues, financial obstacles, and emotional difficulties like having mixed feelings about the abuser or returning out of fear of threats. This page provides some information to help you prepare for your escape.
Stay safe by ensuring arguments always occur in a place where you have access to a safe exit. Rehearse your exit plan regularly: which doors, windows, or stairs will you take? Review and optimize your safety plan every month.
Emergency Escape Kit Checklist
Abuse typically escalates, and you don’t always have the option to plan ahead for leaving the relationship. In case you need to leave suddenly, put together an emergency escape kit containing all or some of the following items:
- Cash and prepaid, untraceable credit cards
- Charged, prepaid, untraceable spare cellphone
- Copied keys for the home, car, and other needs
- Belongings for your children or pets if applicable
- Identity documents; birth certificates, driver’s license, passport, social insurance
- Health insurance cards, medical records, immunization records
- Current medications and medical devices such as glasses
- Spare clothing, small valuables that can be sold if needed
- Journals, photos, evidence of abuse like police records or restraining orders
- Documentation proving pet/car ownership, home lease/deed agreement
- Financial records, bank account numbers, credit cards
- Marriage, divorce, and custody papers
Where to Go When Leaving Abuse
A. If you can plan your escape in advance, and if you have the funds to do so, rent a new home and begin furnishing it in anticipation of eventually moving out of your abusive home. Alternatively, plan out which motel you can easily escape to if you need to leave suddenly.
B. Funding and financial abuse is often a barrier. Consider disclosing your situation to someone who you trust will not let the conversation make it back to your abuser. That person may be able to provide you a short-term place to stay, or may be able to connect you to someone else in the community who can offer you some options.
C. If you don't have access to that kind of community support, seek out public services like shelters. More information is available on the abuse resources page.
Divorce Myths and Facts in Canada
Many people are afraid of leaving an abusive marriage because they believe several myths about the difficulty of divorcing.
MYTH: Divorces are always unaffordable.
FACT: Costs vary widely. A Government of Canada Justice page cites average legal fees of about $1,845 for an uncontested divorce in Canada and $13,638 for a contested divorce. Court processes, conflict level, and whether children or property issues are involved can all affect the total cost.
MYTH: Divorce lawyers are too unaffordable to even initiate divorce.
FACT: Free or lower-cost legal help may be available. If you are in British Columbia, Legal Aid BC offers family law legal help and may provide representation in serious family issues where safety is at risk. Some lawyers may also offer limited-scope services or alternative fee structures depending on the case.
MYTH: Your spouse can lie about you to take all your money and “win” the divorce.
FACT: Canada has no-fault divorce. In general, the reason the marriage ended does not determine who gets a fair share of family assets. Property division can still be complex, but false accusations do not simply let one spouse “win” the divorce.
MYTH: Leaving your home due to abuse will mean losing the house in the divorce.
FACT: You do not need to remain in the home to preserve possible property rights. If your name is on title, if you contributed financially, or if there is shared equity, those issues can still be addressed during separation or divorce. Get legal advice for your specific situation where possible.
Common Questions About Escape Planning
What should I pack if I have to leave abuse quickly?
Focus first on essentials you may not be able to replace easily: identification, medications, keys, money, phone access, important legal and financial documents, and anything necessary for children or pets.
What if I have no money and nowhere to go?
Financial abuse is common and can make leaving much harder. If trusted friends or family are not a safe option, shelters and public support services may help with temporary housing, safety planning, and practical next steps. Visit the abuse resources page for more options.
What if I am not ready to leave yet?
You do not have to wait until you are fully ready to begin planning. Quietly thinking through exits, documents, finances, transportation, and emergency contacts can still be part of a safety plan.