Why Do I Need Other People's Approval So Much

This page reflects our understanding of mental health topics as of 2026. If you are reading this at a later date, some details may no longer be current, so please verify anything important against up to date sources. If you notice anything that needs updating, we would welcome you letting us know.

You check whether people liked your post. You replay whether your boss seemed pleased. You agree to things you do not want to do, worry about whether someone is upset with you, and feel a rush of relief when someone praises you, followed quickly by worry about the next time. It can feel like your sense of worth goes up and down depending on what other people think.

Everyone wants to be liked and accepted. When other people's approval feels essential to feeling okay, it can be exhausting and make it hard to know what you really want.

It Could Be a Lot of Things

Early experiences. Growing up with conditional love, criticism, or unpredictable caregivers can teach you that acceptance depends on pleasing others, leading to feeling you have to earn affection.

Anxiety. Worry about rejection or conflict can make approval feel like a way to stay safe, sometimes with a need for constant reassurance.

Attachment patterns. Anxious attachment can make you highly sensitive to signs of disapproval in close relationships.

Rejection sensitivity. Some people, including many with ADHD, feel rejection very intensely, as described in Why Do I Feel Rejected So Intensely by Small Comments.

Cultural and family expectations. Some families or cultures place strong emphasis on harmony and meeting others' expectations.

When It Looks More Like Low Self-Esteem

When your sense of worth depends mainly on outside approval, it often means your inner sense of worth is fragile. Low self-esteem can make approval feel like the only evidence that you are okay.

Signs that low self-esteem may be driving the need for approval include:

• Struggling to say no, even when you want to.
• Changing your opinions to match others.
• Feeling crushed by criticism, even when it is small or constructive.
• Difficulty making decisions without input from others.
• Feeling never good enough, no matter how much praise you receive.
• Struggling to accept compliments, yet needing them.

Approval can feel good in the moment, but it rarely lasts. Because the relief fades, the need keeps returning, and self-worth never quite settles.

Over time, a strong need for approval can take a real toll. You may feel drained from constantly monitoring how others see you, resentful about the things you agreed to, or unsure who you are when no one is watching. Relationships can feel one-sided, since others may not know your true preferences. Many people also notice more anxiety at work, where feedback and evaluation are frequent, and find it hard to set boundaries with family or friends who expect a lot.

The goal is not to stop caring what anyone thinks. Healthy relationships involve caring about others' feelings. The goal is for approval to become one input among many, rather than the thing your sense of worth rests on.

What Can Help

• Notice approval seeking. Pay attention to moments when you act to gain approval, and ask what you actually want.
• Practise small disagreements. Sharing a different opinion in low-stakes situations builds confidence.
• Clarify your values. Knowing what matters to you gives an internal guide for decisions.
• Tolerate discomfort. Not everyone will approve of every choice, and that is okay.
• Build self-validation. Acknowledge your own efforts and progress without waiting for others to notice.
• Pause before saying yes. Giving yourself time to decide, such as saying "Let me get back to you," makes it easier to respond based on what you want.

Getting Support at Pacific Maple Psych Centre

If needing approval is affecting your wellbeing or relationships, therapy can help. Support can explore where the need comes from, strengthen self-esteem, and help you make choices that reflect what you truly value.